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Advice for Christian Singles: Paul says it is better to marry than to "burn" with passion. If this is true, then why does God not bring a spouse into my life?


Christian singles are awesome people. Christian singles so desire to live their life for God and be filled with His Spirit, but they are often filled with the passion for a spouse. Paul says in 1st Corinthians 7 that it is a moral challenge to not marry and therefore it is good that one does. If this is true, then why does God not provide a mate for every single Christian who desires one?

t is an excellent question and I do not assume that I have the full answer to this question. There are some things that are true about God that I suggest applies in finding the answer. Here are some thoughts as individual Christian singles find the answer for themselves:

1. God cares about everything in our lives. Matthew 10:30 tell us that He has even taken the time to know the number of hairs on our head. God cares about every detail of our lives.

2. As He cares for Christian singles, He does not DO everything for Christian singles. Since the fall of Adam and Eve, mankind has been burdened to "work" the garden of life. In the garden are wonderful fruits as well as weeds. We are NOT in heaven – yet my single Christian friends!

3. There are times I believe that God exercises His presence in our lives to bring specifics to us (example: jobs, friends, mates). Most of the time I find that He is present to HELP guide us to wise choices – IF we involve Him.

4. God is more focused with the principles upon which we live our lives than on the events. There is a wonderful mystery about God in that He already knows what choices Christian singles are going to make, but I do not believe that this "pre-determines" the choices. (Since He knows all things, God does not have the element of time handicapping His knowledge. You and I do and must wait the unfolding of "time" and choices to see the results.)

5. We cannot place God into a box. Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says Jehovah." We cannot use "logic" with God. Yes, logic is a wonderful ingredient that God built into our lives, but it is not something that dictates to God what He is to do and when.

6. Paul says that marriage is an honorable thing to do. He does not say that everyone MUST do so to be happy or fulfilled. Not all Christian singles will get married. His primary focus was in dealing with the church in Corinth as to their question of whether or not it was EVEN proper for a Christian to marry or to be set apart full time to God. Paul appears to have been a single Christian when he said that he wished all were like him and fully focused on God. However, marriage is something that God provided for mankind and gave it a high status.

7. As relates to the "burning with passion" argument, all are filled with this challenge – Christian singles and married Christians alike. While it is certainly true that a married person has a release for their passions, it does not lessen the challenge to be pure in thought. I wrote an article on masturbation that I believe addresses much of this question.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian singles and masterbation. And also: Christian Singles and Pornogaphy.
And: Sex defined by God for Christian Singles Also: Premarital sex, what is, and is not, permissible in sexual behavior for Christian singles engaged in Christian dating? And be sure you read: What every single Christian REALLY needs to know! (about sexually transmitted diseases) And: "Should Christian singles engaged in Christian dating have sex while dating to be sure they are compatible before marriage?" And: No, Christian dating should not include recreational sex, but for many Christian singles it does.

So what does a single Christian do? PRAY and walk in His ways! Claim Godxs promises and then trust Him to provide. I encourage Christian singles to embrace Psalms 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of your heart."

Let me end with these questions. Do you believe that God wants to provide the BEST for your life? Do you believe that He wants to guide you to the BEST? It is amazing that WHEN Christian singles turn to the Bible, He has words for every situation.

Proverbs 3:6 "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and He shall direct thy paths."

My prayer is that His Spirit will lead Christian singles to find not only the answer to this question, but to all choices in their lives. May He pour over your life the richest and choicest of His gifts!

In His love,
Pastor Jim

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Note: The answers provided in this site are intended to be as one provided by a minister. It is NOT intended to take the place of a licensed counselor. Dr. Rives encourages all who are seeking to resolve deeply rooted psychological, emotional or behavioral needs to seek the services of a trained and licensed counselor. The answers provided in this web site are intended to be words of encouragement and spiritual guidance as one would obtain from a licensed minister as well as the sharing of Dr Rives personal experience. Articles by Dr. Jim Rives used with permission, copyright © 2001-2009 Inc. (Arizona Non-Profit Corporation) All rights reserved.

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