CHRISTIAN SINGLES ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

An email was recently received from a single Christian woman who is a member of a Christian dating site. Her candor, pain AND advice were so compelling that I felt God directing me to share this with other Christian singles. I have received her permission to share this with other Christian singles WITHOUT REVEALING HER IDENTITY.

I was not aware of some of the facts that she stated and asked her to provide a source of confirmation. Boy did she! I will provide this reference at the end of the article for benefit with other Christian singles too. The facts are undeniable!

Please ask God to use the truth in this personal story in your own life as well as the lives of other Christian singles. John 8:32 “And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free!”

BE SURE to read my response to her and to with other Christian singles who confront this and other challenging problems:

Dear Pastor Jim,

I lived in sin for several years, and when I became pregnant with my son at 21, I realized that something needed to change. I gave my life to Jesus and turned from my sin. The hardest thing for me to give up was premarital sex. It was very, very hard for me to deny myself in this area, but I kept telling myself, "God will send me a husband. If I can just hold on, I'm sure I'll be married in a year or two." The first year passed. No husband. The second year passed. No husband. "Hold on," I told myself, "Next year, God will do it." The next year passed. No husband. By now, I felt like my whole body was screaming for sex. I went to the Scriptures for help. The only answer I saw (besides more waiting) was the verse that says, "It is better to marry than to burn." I decided to quit waiting on a godly man among Christian singles and just find some worldly guy who had a good heart. Then, I could get married and have sex.

I found a worldly guy who seemed to have a good heart (key word being "seemed"). I fell in love with him. The issue of sex came up repeatedly, and I kept saying no. Then, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. It became harder to say no.... after all, we were gonna get married.

Less than a month after we had sex the first time, I was diagnosed with herpes. He told me he had had it for five years. Adding to my devastation, he decided that he didn't like being with a girl who wouldn't go to clubs and parties with him... and he decided that he wanted to start smoking again.... and he decided that he didn't want to be "tied down" after all... He left.... but I'm still here.... with herpes and a broken heart.

I have messed up so badly, and I'm not sure there is any hope of me ever having the Christian husband I want, now. Do you have any advice or hope for me?

Since my diagnoses, I have learned that statistics say 1 in 5 people have genital herpes... I have also met several Christian singles online who have herpes and feel much the same shame and doubts... I think the advice you might give would impact more people than you would ever know. There are a lot of us out there with STDs, but most of us are too scared or ashamed to admit it. Will you address this issue?

P.S. There are several false ideas people sometimes have about how they can keep from getting STDs. Many, many people, even Christian singles, naively think that condoms will protect against STDs. Condoms do NOT protect against genital herpes (I have also learned, in studying about this issue that the same is true for genital warts). In the case of herpes, an infected person's body fluids are not the concern, as much as the skin in their groin area. The entire groin area of an infected person may be infectious during the viral shedding period and during the time of outbreak--and this may take place even in areas of the groin that condoms cannot possibly cover.

Also, people with herpes do not have outbreaks all of the time--in fact many, many people only have them once a year or once every few years.... However, viral shedding may take place between outbreaks, without a person knowing it, and during this time, the infected person is contagious. So people who think they can just look for the sores and know if the person has herpes are seriously misled.

Another misconception that people have is that they can "tell" if someone is the "type" that would have an STD. My ex-fiancé did NOT look the "type", I don't look the "type" either nor do many other Christian singles. Now, that I am dealing with this lifelong issue and dealing with questions over whether I will ever get married, because of it, it hurts me so badly to see other Christian singles who are slipping into premarital sex. I know, but can't really tell them--without exposing my own shameful secret--that their lives can be changed forever in one little slip-up. It worries me so badly that people have so many misconceptions about protecting themselves from STDs... and that these misconceptions can leave them with lifetime consequences.

I have a burning testimony in my heart to how good and how perfect God's way is. I know, because I did it my way--and I can see, now, how protective and caring His restrictions really are, and how flawed and damaging my own ideas can be. My prayer is that I will always listen to His still, small voice, from this day forward. Yesterday is gone... I want the future to be only in complete obedience to Him--no matter how hard it might be, at times.

Thank you Pastor Jim for your kindness and compassion... I will be watching to read your response...

God bless you kindly.

REFERENCE AND MUST READING:

www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Fact_Sheets/facts_Genital_Herpes.htm

FOLLOWUP:

The story shared above is from a very brave single Christian woman who made one mistake that now impacts her life. First, I want to thank her publicly for caring enough about other Christian singles that she allowed me to share her story. It is one way that God is using her “mistake” to bring significant benefit to the lives of so many other Christian singles. It is our prayer that God will use these articles to "educate" and empower other Christian singles to the truth.

How does one go on with life when this or another tragedy has so greatly impacted them? As so often the case, this tragedy was mostly caused through the selfish act of another. You can most certainly say that there are these times when life is NOT fair.

As I share these thoughts with Christian singles, I am literally asking God to guide and enable me to share what HE wants other Christian singles to know and hear. "God, you are the healer and comforter and said that you came that we might have life and live it more abundantly. Please reveal this to us."

1. Living in this “human” world seems to lull us into insensitivity to truth and the events in the world around us. For example, how many miles have you driven without giving any thought to safety – only to suddenly come upon a bad accident and realize that life is very precious and taking safety for granted is a dumb thing to do. I suppose this is what happens when we hear stories like this. May God use it as a “wake up” call in the lives of other Christian singles.

2. God does not sit up in Heaven thinking about what lightning bolt, cancer OR sexually transmitted disease that He will send our way. The Bible is VERY clear in this area. James 1:13-15 “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God; for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no man: but each man is tempted, when he is drawn away by his own lust, and enticed. Then the lust, when it hath conceived, bears sin: and the sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”

What can Christian singles do in such a condition?

CHRISTIAN SINGLES, IF YOU DO HAVE STD:

1. When I confront something that I cannot handle on my own, I find myself seeking scripture to understand where God is. Such a verse often comes to me in 1Corinthians 10:13 “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.”

2. I am led to another scripture as I share direction with you. 1John 1:7 “But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanses us from all sin.” I realize that you cannot walk around and share with “everyone” that you have STD. This would not be a wise action. However, it is also not wise to walk around in denial. To do so encourages isolation and additional temptations that you do not want to confront.

3. I would suggest that you find a support group in your area where you can be open and not only receive encouragement, but be an encourager to others, married and single alike. How do you find such a group? Contact a Christian counselor and ask for their suggestion in where one is or how to begin one.

4. Perhaps the most challenging aspect of this condition is the impact it has on potential relationships. You know that you MUST share this, but when and how. While I cannot give you a specific instruction as to when, I do encourage you to share this at such time as a relationship begins to take on a serious emphasis. It is important that you know whether or not this person is “trustworthy” before you share this part of your life. Do not expect them to be educated about this condition and the positive and negative aspects of it. However, if God is a part of the other person’s life too and seeking His guidance, then you have the foundation for a bright future. May I suggest that you do your own homework and be prepared “factually” as you share this with trusted Christian singles. Do not smother them with “information”, but be prepared as they ask.

5. Remember that there is NOTHING you have done or CAN DO that will remove the relationship you enjoy with God! You are an adopted child of His and will live in eternity with Him – now and in the future. Romans 8:38-39 “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

6. God loves you and so do I, and other Brothers and Sisters both married and other Christian singles alike. Do not walk in shame – for we all must so walk if we measure our sins. Confess your sins, accept God's forgiveness and walk forward with His embrace and power. Learn from your experience and realize that God can ALWAYS use our story to bring healing and comfort to other Christian singles. When you confront other Christian singles who do not understand, say a prayer for them and leave them up to God. 1John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

CHRISTIAN SINGLES, IF YOU DO NOT HAVE STD:

1. Do not think yourself better than anyone else. A former Pastor of mine made the statement that anyone will commit any sin, if the conditions are right. This is so true and I encourage Christian singles to think about the “conditions” Christian singles are placing themselves into and change them for the best.

2. Do not be naïve or dumb when it comes to the real dangers Satan has created in your world even among other Christian singles whom you may be dating. Sexually transmitted disease is a real problem in our world as the fact that 1 out of 5 adults has herpes! This is not some "preacher's" words, but is confirmed by the Center for Disease Control’s web site. www.cdc.gov/nchstp/dstd/Fact_Sheets/facts_Genital_Herpes.htm

3. When Christian singles learn that a Brother or Sister has STD, do not shun them or look down on them! You and I are far from perfect and to elevate one sin more or less to another is absolutely wrong. Sin is sin – and we ALL have sinned. Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".

4. Since so many adults have herpes, yes, even other Christian singles, I would suggest that you educate yourself in how to relate to Christian singles with herpes. It is NOT the end of the world and they can live very happy lives. See that you are one that makes the world that they live in a brighter one!

God’s heart must be breaking so many times as He sees and feels the pain of His children. His Spirit is with us always and desires to bring hope, joy and love into our world. Thank God for the times Christian singles enjoy the comfort He provides in times of trial. We serve a purpose while He leaves us on earth and He will provide the strength and means to do so, filled with His joy.

May God speak to you in your circumstance in His loving and accepting way. AND may you and other Christian singles always know that you have a Pastor and a ministry who cares about all that you are going through.

Blessed Christian singles, rest in His abundant love.

James 1:2-5

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

Romans 8: 16-18

“The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ. If indeed we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian singles and masterbation. And also: Christian Singles and Pornogaphy. And: Passions and Christian Singles And: Sex defined by God for Christian Singles Also: Premarital sex, what is, and is not, permissible in sexual behavior for Christian singles engaged in Christian dating? And: "Should Christian singles engaged in Christian dating have sex while dating to be sure they are compatible before marriage?" And: No, Christian dating should not include recreational sex, but for many Christian singles it does.

In His love,
Pastor Jim