CHRISTIAN SINGLES ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

Divorce has become a reality in our world – not a welcome one or a good thing, but it is a part of the our lives. If you are single for any reason, you will be confronted with the reality that a lot of your choices for a future mate are divorced Christian singles. This is especially true for single Christian women seeking mates.

Christian singles often write to me asking for advice in this area. Usually the Christian singles writing to me have not been divorced and desires to live within the will of God for their lives. God hates divorce, which is a fact that I believe all Christians agree upon. God also forgives sin when Christian singles are truly repentant. However, God does not remove the consequences of our sins and they are often affecting our lives for years after the sin.

I realize that as I write this article that there are a variety of thoughts regarding divorces and how to relate to remarriage, etc. among Christian singles. It is not the intent of this article to discuss these, but I would like to provide some practical guides that I suggest should apply to all Christian singles who are considering building a relationship with a divorced person:

· Christian singles should be sure that the person they are considering building a relationship with has the same interpretation of divorce and remarriage that they do.

· Their current relationship with Christ is paramount, as well as how they “accept” their fault in the divorce.

· Are they finished “processing” the divorce and able to make healthy choices? It is NOT the length of time since their divorce, but rather, have they gone through a healthy process. This usually involves an extended period of counseling time.

· Have they attended a divorce recovery workshop? An excellent one that I recommend to Christian singles is DivorceCare. You can find local churches that offer this program on their web site at http://www.divorcecare.com

· How do they currently feel about the option of divorce in marriage? Those who have been divorced are many times more likely to divorce again. The rate for divorce among Christians is as high (some reports higher) as non-Christians. The rate of divorce for second marriages is 70% I am told!

· What scriptural basis did they use for their divorce and how do they interpret it now? (This should ring true for your beliefs.)

· Christian singles should spend a lot of time in prayer, asking God to speak to them and give them a peace if they are to proceed with a relationship. I have found that this alone is not a good test. We can fake ourselves into believing something IF we want it badly enough. I would suggest that you confirm this through some close Christian friends’ counsel, and the counsel of a Pastor or Christian counselor.

· If Christian singles are led to proceed with the relationship, they should move SLOWLY and seek counseling at an early stage. Christian singles need to surface ALL the issues at play. Remember: It is work – you will either do it before marriage or after. Believe me it is much to your advantage and success to do so before marriage.

· Did I say move slowly??!!!! Letters from Christian singles often state that they have been divorced (or the other person) for about 6 months or a year and they are ready to move into a new relationship. From my personal experience and the experience of counseling many Christian singles, they are NOT ready yet. No matter what process takes place, I do not believe that Christian singles who have not been divorced for at least 2 years have any healthy knowledge of what is going on to make a healthy decision for another relationship. It just is not so. They may luck out – but the odds of winning the lottery are better.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating: I'm recently divorced, is it too early for Christian singles to start dating again, and can divorced Christian singles ever marry again or is that against God’s will? And: Dear Pastor Jim: How does God relate to divorce? And: Christian singles need not remain loaded down with shame and guilt. Also read: Only God’s Spirit can comfort and guide Christian singles through the difficult times of life. And maybe read: When Christian singles make wise choices for a fresh start, God is faithful to give single Christians what is on their heart. And: Any desperate singles? And: There are many different types of singles who profess to be "Christians."

Children-related articles: "Pastor Jim, do you have any Christian dating advice for Christian singles who have children?" And: Advice for Christian Singles: are single parent Christians asking, "Babies anyone?"

I am sure that there are other considerations, but these are some that come to mind. I am a divorced Pastor whom God has allowed to remarry again. God's Spirit should be the guide as well as His scriptures. God bless you in your journey my beloved Christian Singles.

In His love,
Pastor Jim