CHRISTIAN SINGLES ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

Choices are made moment by moment in the lives Christian singles. Some are very minor or perhaps insignificant, while others set things in motion for good or for harm. Did you ever make a choice that you wish you could take back? I can hear a loud positive response to that question from Christian singles everywhere!

When my daughter was in the second grade she had a buddy named Amy. Amy was a Pastor’s daughter and a sweet and precious influence on our daughter. In class one day Amy responded to the teacher’s question with a quick but wrong answer. It was no sooner out of her mouth than she realized it was wrong. She quickly followed with the words “circle that!” The method that the teacher used to grade papers was to circle incorrect answers on their papers. Amy logically thought that she could use this same approach to take back inaccurate statements. That episode has remained with me for over 25 years now. How I wished that I could use the “circle that” principle with some of my choices. No doubt, there are many Christian singles who feel the same.

Christian singles often send me emails describing some terrible choice(s) that Christian singles have made. I have one such email sitting in my inbox right now begging for a response. This single Christian woman made one choice that poured into many others. She knew that they were wrong but when she opened the door to one, the others quickly followed. The power and shame that came from her choices caused her to rush to other choices – like a divorce.

You know what most often follows bad choices – FEELINGS! The emotions kick in big time and command to be followed. When emotions become the primary force behind the choices Christian singles make, you will find that bad choices are followed with more bad choices, and pain with more pain. It is a downward spiral many Christian singles face.

Shame is an emotion that many Christian singles find in their path after poor choices. The realization of what Christian singles have done hits them. They are sorry for their mistakes but shame is like a door that does not open to allow them to move to a place of safety and restoration. Instead of stopping the downward spiral and moving to good choices, it is easier for many Christian singles to allow the emotion of shame with his cousin guilt to imprison them. Christian singles become stuck and this can go on for years or the rest of their lives if emotions are allowed to fuel choices.

What can Christian singles do in such a condition?

A choice to override emotions is essential for Christian singles to begin the process toward health and freedom. The forces of evil want to keep Christian singles under the control of shame and guilt. Such a condition will create inner voices that speak negativity, depression, and poor self-worth continually. Christian singles must never trust emotions at a time like this.

God wants Christian singles to move from the neighborhood of shame back home to his blessings, peace, and freedom. Remember the story of the prodigal son? Why is that story in the Bible? I suggest it is because God knew that you and I would make such mistakes. He wants to be sure that we understand how to handle such times in our lives.

What happened when the prodigal son came home? Did he get a scolding or the place of a servant? NO! The father ran to meet him and wept like a baby at the return of his child. God, your Father, is waiting to run to meet Christian singles who will turn away from their emotions and confess their errors in choices. He wants to hug Christian singles and burst out with his expressions of love and care for them. Welcome home is waiting for you – now! Read 1John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Christian singles loaded with shame and guilt can claim this promise – now!

Once you have reconciled with God, ask God whom He wants you to reconcile with on this earth. What? You do not feel like it? Wait a minute dear Christian singles friend. It was feelings that got you into trouble and those same feelings are filling your spirit now. I realize that feelings are not turned off and on by merely throwing a switch. BUT they are the product of a DIET. Yes, feelings/emotions are the result of a diet that we feed our spirit. Christian singles can change their diet and it will change their feelings.

Instead of focusing on the negative force Christian singles need a new diet of positives fed into their spirits. God may not ask Christian singles to return to a past relationship if it is not safe for them to do so. But, if it is only a matter of your pride and the other person’s behavior and choices do not measure any worse than what you have done, then seek God’s Spirit to guide you to wise choices. My experience has revealed that if most Christian singles in a relationship would make the choice to work through their difficulties, therein would lay the golden life that Christian singles desire so much. It is not in finding someone else with their set of problems that we find love, but in working through crises and challenges with those God has already given us in relationship.

Shame? Wish you had not made those choices? Yes, I join you in that realization, as do a great number of other Christian singles. Remember my story about Amy and how she wanted to use her teacher’s approach to circling mistakes? God is the only one who can circle that and take the penalty for that choice from Christian singles. Give it to him now. The next time Christian singles begin to be filled with thoughts of shame and guilt realize that God gives all Christian singles the power over this. Say to these thoughts – stop. You are at the wrong address and need to go find Jesus and discuss the penalty for the bad choice/sin. He has accepted the penalty and set me free to move on and sin no more.

I know of what I speak in this article. I have committed sins of immense shame and God has not only forgiven me, but give me the power to move forward with life into a world of possibilities, hope, joy, and love. I join God in desiring this for you and all Christian singles. Christian singles need not remain loaded down with shame and guilt.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Singles, Accept Yourself and others will too! Also read: Only God’s Spirit can comfort and guide Christian singles through the difficult times of life. And maybe read: When Christian singles make wise choices for a fresh start, God is faithful to give single Christians what is on their heart. And: Any desperate singles? And: Should single Christians compare themselves to other Christian singles? And: "Single life is not fun for me. How does God expect me to be happy?" And: There are many different types of singles who profess to be "Christians." And: What are “blockages” that can negatively affect the lives of Christian's singles?

In His love,
Pastor Jim