CHRISTIAN SINGLES ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

For many Christian singles one of life’s greatest challenges is accepting yourself. For a variety of reasons the longer we live the more challenging it becomes to accept the totality of who we really are. There are choices, events, or characteristics that we would rather not think about. Somewhere along the early path of life each of us begins to choose to ignore, or put aside, realities that we just do not want to face. The unfortunate part is that we began to accumulate these into our spirit and continue to neglect to deal with them in a healthy manner. Can you imagine the impact this has upon our lives once these become so entwined into our self-perception?

The world about us makes it easy to pour our attention into vehicles of escape. Activity is usually the first place we turn in an attempt to become someone else. This activity can be in a job, exercise, self-improvement, or even dating other Christian singles in search of a life partner. The activity only serves as a mask and causes Christian singles to grow more and more distant from reality. It is not surprising that many Christian singles have little idea of who they really are. They are on a journey of discovery but place the focus on external aspects rather than looking to the root of their yearning - within.

In a nutshell, life becomes all about doing. It is activity oriented rather than being at peace from within. Another way of saying this is not finding your identity in what you do but in who you are.

Self-denial is rampant in our society. Self-denial leads to self-deception that causes us to make wrong impressions about others. This is a huge topic and I will devote another article to this subject. For the purposes of this article, self-denial is when we consciously make a choice not to deal with something within ourselves because of the pain, or perceived pain. It seems easier to deny that it exists and ignore the reality. Pushing through the pain is a fundamental element in moving to a healthy place.

So, Christian singles, how do you know if you are not accepting yourself and in self-denial? The following comes to mind for your consideration:

1. Your focus is on others. You are constantly comparing what they have to what you do not. You may wish for their material things, such as a car, house, or even their job. It may be something more intangible, such as the relationship they enjoy or their status in life. This focus makes you miserable.

2. You are in search of your own identity. You do not like your self-identity and set out to emulate someone else’s. If only you were like “so-n-so?” life would be more enjoyable.

3. Your focus is on pleasure. This is a major escape activity to keep you from facing some hard issues that you need to process. Check your calendar and see where you are spending your time. Your calendar is blank? Then check and see where you are spending your time (i.e. TV, Internet looking for a dating relationship with other Christian singles, etc.).

4. You blame another person for your lot in life. You can always find someone who has injured you to some degree. God gave us the principle of forgiveness not just for the other person, but also as a significant tool to allow us to not be trapped as a result of the actions of others.

5. A feeling of being out of balance is experienced often. Many people out of balance are not aware that they are seriously warped! Let me put it another way. Stop for a moment and think about what is going on deep within you. Describe to yourself the “force” that you feel drives you. The stronger the force the more out of balance you are. The result of being out of balance is that your spirit is on autopilot rushing to fill the void behind that force. It is very challenging and requires constant attention but being in balance in our spirits, minds, bodies, finances, and relationships with God and man is essential to peace and joy.

So, Christian singles, why is it worth the effort to discern who you really are?

The significance of making the effort to accept yourself as you really are is so that you will have a healthy base upon which you and God can build the total person you were born to become. You have a purpose that can only be realized if you are authentic and at a healthy place to hear wisdom and guidance. It is not the bottom of life but rather a place of strength.

Yes, Christian singles, search as much as you wish to attempt to find yourself, but there is only one foundation that will serve you well. It begins with God and accepting his love and desire for you.

Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

Dear Christian singles, God knows you well – all of you. He knows your sins, your promptings, and your longings. He even knows your sins and your sinful habits. In spite of that he loves you and all other Christian singles. He says that it is okay to be you, sinner and saint. Accept yourself as He does so that you can see what he sees in your future. God loves Christian singles unconditionally. Love yourself.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian singles need not remain loaded down with shame and guilt. Also read: Only God’s Spirit can comfort and guide Christian singles through the difficult times of life. And maybe read: When Christian singles make wise choices for a fresh start, God is faithful to give single Christians what is on their heart. And: Any desperate singles? And: Should single Christians compare themselves to other Christian singles? And: "Single life is not fun for me. How does God expect me to be happy?" And: There are many different types of singles who profess to be "Christians." And: What are “blockages” that can negatively affect the lives of Christian's singles?