CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES
Just like modern-day online Christian dating, technology has really changed the world of many Christian singles. I doubt that great-grandmother would believe all that you are able to do with technology. The microwave oven would completely blow her mind if she suddenly appeared to visit you from the days past.
Technology can be our friend, but I find that too often it is being misused. Nowhere is this more apparent than with online Christian dating. The opportunity to meet new friends around the globe through Christian dating sites is very special. However the conditions that some create in using Christian dating sites allows too many people to be damaged.
An all too familiar scenario goes something like this. A man or woman find a Christian dating profile that is very appealing. Emails are exchanged between the two Christian singles and the “dance” begins. It sounds SOOOOO good to hear someone from the opposite gender respond excitedly to your Christian dating profile. The excitement builds to great expectations on the part of one or both of the two Christian singles.
What happens next in this Christian dating “dance” is something that occupies a great percentage of the emails I receive from Christian singles. Suddenly and without any warning one of them drops off the face of the earth. No emails or phone calls are received for days without explanation.
...in the meantime, the other single Christian goes on the online Christian dating service and finds that the person who has disappeared from them is VERY active online. This is a major form of rejection for hopeful and excited Christian singles and it hurts big time.
Why would a single Christian be so “hot” one day and then stone cold the next day without any warning? Is it something that was said in a call or message? I doubt that there was any specific action from the rejected party to initiate such behavior.
In most cases I am convinced that the “disappearing” member suddenly found someone else’s Christian dating profile and received a response to an email inquiry. The hunt was on and they dropped out of sight to the original party. This is a childish way to interact with other Christian singles engaged in Christian dating, and an abuse of modern technology.
Interaction with other Christian singles engaged in Christian dating is not a TV movie that we can capture on the VCR and play back or write over at our whim. Such behavior is a vicious act of inconsideration that hurts other Christian singles engaged in Christian dating at a very deep level. Many Christian singles already have too much rejection in their past to be dumped on again. This is a very shallow approach to building Christian dating relationships.
The truth of the matter is that Christian singles who participate in such behavior are setting up conditions for failure in their own lives. They are feeding their spirit that it is okay to engage and move on at a moment’s notice. The spirit reads that the person does not want a deep and meaningful relationship but a life of “playing.” The spirit, the largest force in our lives, then sets out to play the field. It will lead Christian singles through repeated cycles of unfulfilling Christian dating relationships. These shallow Christian singles will wake up one day much older and alone with no meaningful relationships. They may occasionally decide to leap into marriage with someone, but their lives are filled with multiple divorces.
While rejection may hurt the Christian singles being rejected, the inconsiderate rejection is a sin that will come back to haunt the person doing the crime. Yes, I do believe that it is a sin because it is spelled sIn with a capital I. It is totally selfish and placing self above other Christian singles. The Bible is filled with how this lifestyle will be rewarded.
I have a suggestion for Christian singles the next time they find themselves arriving at a point of not wanting to continue a Christian dating relationship.
Stop before you act. Take some time to pray about your motives and to discuss it with mature Christian friends. Is this a pattern in your life or do you have legitimate reasons for ending the Christian dating relationship? If this is a cycle, find a counselor and do yourself (and other Christian singles engaged in Christian dating) a great service and find out what is really going on.
If you then decide that the Christian dating relationship is not working out, set aside some time with the other person to discuss it. While you may not be able to put everything into words, you MUST be considerate of the other person’s feelings. Keep Christ in your Christian dating behavior.
Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you. It still works!
Consider that the immediate actions you take may be insulting to the other person. For example, if you immediately rush to an online Christian dating service, they can see you online and it will be very hurting. Give yourself a break and be sure that YOU are ready to move on and make wise Christian dating choices.
Christian dating is not the VCR that you can rewind at your pleasure. Christian dating is a serious interaction between Christian singles at the deepest level of their spirit. Good Christ-like character is essential in successful Christian dating. The day’s “special” on the Christian dating site is not there for your picking. Time is on your side IF you make wise choices.
If all Christian singles engaged in Christian dating would take the time to be considerate of all the other all Christian singles that they meet, online or in person, the world of Christian dating would vastly improve overnight. I challenge you to do your part and cover others in prayer that they will discern to do their part to improve Christian dating for themselves and other Christian singles.
Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating: Results of a survey on Christian Dating vs. Christian “Courting” And: Christian Singles: Hurting people hurt others! And: Christian Dating Advice: how to start Dating again? And: Advice for Christian Singles: Should a single Christian woman let a single Christian man know she is interested? And: Christian Singles: "Is it love?" And: Dear Pastor Jim: "Do you expect all Christian singles who want to be married to be happy being single?" And: Christian Dating: "Dear Christian Singles, what Criteria Do You Use for Dating other Christians?" And: Christian Dating and Credit Reports And: Christian singles, when it comes to Christian Dating, start with a course called "Breaking Up 101" And: Is Christianity An Excuse for Christian Singles to Be Passive? And: Finding the Will of God and Making godly Decisions
In His love,
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Note: The answers provided in this site are intended to be as one provided by a minister. It is NOT intended to take the place of a licensed counselor. Dr. Rives encourages all who are seeking to resolve deeply rooted psychological, emotional or behavioral needs to seek the services of a trained and licensed counselor. The answers provided in this web site are intended to be words of encouragement and spiritual guidance as one would obtain from a licensed minister as well as the sharing of Dr Rives personal experience. Articles by Dr. Jim Rives used with permission, copyright © 2001-2009 JacobsMinistry.org Inc. (Arizona Non-Profit Corporation) All rights reserved.