CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

A too common occurrence is taking place in the Christian singles, Christian dating scene. It is VERY prevalent among single Christians who are either divorced or widowed. Allow me to describe the background.

A couple of Christian singles meet and find that there are attractive qualities about the other person. After a little favorable interaction they decide to start Christian dating. The first date goes well as each single Christian pours out what they have been missing and what they are seeking. It is music to their ears, or at least to one of these single Christians. They decide to set a second date.

The anticipation builds for this second date with the feelings running rampant. It appears that these single Christians have met someone of their dreams. Their soul mate has arrived in grand style.

The second date arrives and the two “kids” are running on high octane. They quickly reminisce over the first date and what has been developing in their Christian dating interactions. THEN IT HAPPENS. The conversation turns to marriage. Out of space this long-awaited word is spoken into reality. From normal Christian dating to a huge leap into outer space, or what I call fantasyland, has just occurred after dating only twice. Reality has been left behind after dating only twice.

What is so terrible about discussing marriage early in a Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship?

One of two situations quickly forms in response to marriage being brought up at this stage:

It is usually the man that brings the suggestion of marriage into the early conversations. If the woman agrees, she has just bought a ticket on a fast trip to a likely disaster. A man who is guided by shallow feelings can just as quickly change and leave her at the station. If she agrees and they quickly rush to marriage without really getting to know one another and bonding in a healthy manner, she will find herself with a lot of work to do AFTER the wedding or in a divorce. I believe that this is a major contributor to the reason that there is an almost 70% divorce rate for second marriages.

If the man is moving too quickly and the woman is wise, she will step back from the Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship. The very thing that the man was hoping to accomplish has now blown up in his face. He has just confessed that he is filled with his own selfish needs and not interested in taking the time to get to know her and build a Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship.

Loneliness and void create strong forces. If one feels sorry and “feeds” these feelings, they will soon be taken under as if in a giant tornado. Find ways to move out of your isolation and into the company of friends and family. Let the Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship build slowly. Grabbing the first person that responds to you in a positive manner and running off to the altar is not the way to “satisfy” the force. You are only replacing it with another force – and the odds are you will not be happy with what you find in marriage.

There is a law that is beginning to surface as I relate to Christian singles. The law is that the older one becomes, the more foolish they will be about their choices for a Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship. I hear the opposite expressed to me over and over again. It goes something like “I am ___ and old enough to know exactly what I want and need.” Evidence does not prove this statement to be true. I met with an 81-year-old man this past week that is seeking a mate. He will not listen to any suggestion that he may not marry again. He is consumed with finding a mate. He has been a widow for 7 months and the force is strong within him. Age does not make you wiser when it comes to a Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship.

Relax! I do not care what your age is or your circumstances; God is working for your good. Partner with Him and seek His Spirit’s guidance and blessing on every step. Do not follow the temptation to take matters into your own hands and make your own choices. My ears are ringing from those who have done so and now are crying out with remorse.

When it comes to wisdom in your Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationships, I leave you with one final question. Would you rather spend your life single, or married to a person who brings hell into your world? I know that you would quickly share that you want to be married to the right person. I agree – and challenge you to take the time to slowly build a Christian dating or Christian “courting” relationship when opportunities present themselves. Time is your friend and not your enemy, as Satan would have you believe.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating: Are there any differences that Christian singles should consider when dating an older adult (35+)? And: Christian Dating: What does the Bible teach Christian singles about inter-racial dating? And: Christian Singles: Hurting people hurt others! And: Christian Dating Advice: how to start Dating again? And: Advice for Christian Singles: Should a single Christian woman let a single Christian man know she is interested? And: Christian Singles: "Is it love?" And: Dear Pastor Jim: "Do you expect all Christian singles who want to be married to be happy being single?" And: Christian Dating: "Dear Christian Singles, what Criteria Do You Use for Dating other Christians?" And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results? And: Is Christianity An Excuse for Christian Singles to Be Passive? And: Finding the Will of God and Making godly Decisions

In His love,
Pastor Jim

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