CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

The phrase “soul mate” is often included in emails I get from Christian singles who are interested in Christian dating, or I am asked if there is such a thing as a soul mate because Christian singles are either dating or interested in dating their soul mate. The Bible does not discuss this concept but it certainly is used a lot among Christian singles and even by a large Christian dating service called eHarmony.

So, is there really a soul mate for all the Christian singles out there who are interested in dating him or her? Did God invent soul mates or is that a man-made concept?

For almost all Christian singles interested in Christian dating, or currently engaged in Christian dating, there is a desire to find someone who is a “perfect” match. Although this is but a thought, it really surfaces when Christian singles meet someone who appears to meet all their expectations. The other person says the right things, likes the same things as they do, and just seems to know exactly what to do to please them. The feeling is so overwhelming and it seems like a divine appointment. Is this really a soul mate?

There are times in life when we suddenly find another person and it just “clicks”. The attraction is there and the initial compatibility is awesome. The relationship is off to a great start and expectations begin to build. At the very best, this is a wonderful Christian dating fantasy period for Christian singles and there is nothing wrong with enjoying it. The challenge is to keep it in perspective and not move to quickly. Every Christian dating relationship needs to spend time to grow at a healthy pace. Too often what appears unbelievably positive at the beginning proves to be highly undesirable a few months later. Every relationship has to work through a process to be complete. Christian singles will either work on this before they marry or after – but Christian singles will work on it. Guess which time is best?

While some Christian singles may find someone that they think is their soul mate, most of us do not have this experience when we meet others. I suggest that it is unhealthy to expect cannons bursting in air and a super attraction to automatically be present to PROVE that Christian singles have met their soul mate. Most Christian dating relationships that prove to be deeply loving and fulfilling come out of friendships that develop over time into a close Christian dating relationship. I do not have any facts to support this, but I have strong reason to believe there are many marriages where they were not initially attracted to the person but that feeling developed over time. I know of some who could not stand each other initially but it later proved to be a highly successful relationship.

The point – Christian singles should not sit around limiting their Christian dating to only those Christian singles with whom they believe are their soul mate. It is great if it happens and works out to be a super relationship. However, enjoy those around you and spend your time and focus building great friendships and let God guide your Christian dating. Doing ministry together is sometimes more bonding than time spent in Christian dating.

I close with a deeper thought. Does God predestine each of us engaged in Christian dating to whom we will marry? While it is true that God cares for every element in our lives and knows ahead of time what choices we will make, I find no scripture that states He selects our mates for us. Are there times when He does? Perhaps, but my experience reveals that He is more interested in Christian singles inviting Him into every process they undertake in life so that He can guide Christian singles to the best choices.

Enjoy those around you now and allow the future to unfold with God’s guidance.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating: "A single Christian that I think God has sent to be my mate does not agree, or does not know that I exist. What am I to do?" And: Christian Dating Advice & Safety And: Christian singles, Beauty – Has all to do with dating, but little to do with love! And: Do you know about the “Peacock Syndrome” in Dating Single Christians? And: Christian dating: "What are the “NORMAL” stages in dating for Christian singles?" And: In Christian Dating is Chemistry important or not? And: Christian Dating: What do you think about dating multiple people? And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results?

In His love,
Pastor Jim

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