CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

A variety of questions continually are received by Christian singles engaged in Christian dating, asking one variation or another of what is permissible in sexual behavior for Christian singles engaged in Christian dating. The questions are phrased in interesting ways and interesting conditions, but there is absolutely nothing new in the question or the challenge.

I have developed a definition for the sexual behavior that I understand the Bible to say is to be for married couples and not to be practiced outside of marriage. The definition is:

“Any initiated or sustained activity that is done for the purpose of sexual arousal is sex!”

The oldest false premise in this world is the one that says that anything short of (pardon my frankness but this needs to be discussed) penetration or intercourse is okay. I will not go into other types of behavior that I am asked about by Christian singles engaged in Christian dating as to whether or not it is permissible.

Okay, sex is strong and those who use the Internet dating sites to find their next conquest is VERY common. This is all too true on Christian dating sites as well. Many Christian singles engaged in Christian dating write to me saying that they are interacting with someone on a Christian dating site and are being told that sexual activity for Christian singles is not only acceptable, but also okay with God. Where in this world can they find any Biblical reference for this one? I invite you to look up the references for fornication in the Bible, which is the word to describe any and all sexual activity outside of marriage. God is not providing clear instructions for Christian singles engaged in Christian dating in one part of His Word and contradicting it in another.

I have written several articles on this topic and encourage you to read my article at AdamMeetEve.com on Christian Singles and Sex and also Sex defined by God for Christian Singles. Also recomended that Christian singles take the steps that I outlined in another article “How do I stop having sex outside of marriage?” that you can also find at AdamMeetEve.com.

Also related Christian articles for singles: Christian singles and masterbation. And also: Christian Singles and Pornogaphy. And: Passions and Christian Singles And be sure you read: What every single Christian REALLY needs to know! (about sexually transmitted diseases) And: There are many different types of singles who profess to be "Christians." Seek out a Christian counselor. If your Pastor or friends cannot recommend one to you in North America, Christian singles can try to locate one at this Christian singles help page. And here are some more: "Should Christian singles engaged in Christian dating have sex while dating to be sure they are compatible before marriage?" And: No, Christian dating should not include recreational sex, but for many Christian singles it does.

Is one to simply turn off the switch to their sexual appetites because they are single? Can one who has been married before easily handle this area? I embrace with you that this is a very challenging area for most Christian singles.

Sex is an appetite. The more it is fed the more it will grow and take over a larger proportion of your thoughts, time, and activity. While admittedly it is different, there are strong comparisons to our hunger for food. What happens when we allow our hunger for food to go uncontrolled? The results are very damaging to us. The uncontrolled hunger for premarital sex by Christian singles engaged in Christian dating will be equally damaging if allow to run rampant and the hunger fed.

Yes, it is the word discipline. It is what the Apostle Paul said when he stated in that we are to take every thought captive.

It is essential that Christian singles engaged in Christian dating have a goal in mind, a reason for celibacy. It must be a health one that one that all of you truly believes in. That is my challenge to Christian singles engaged in Christian dating. Set out to find for yourself why YOU should practice celibacy. God’s Word most certainly should be a foundational part of that, but it will require more than that to be successful. Some other suggestions to consider:

Develop one or two super buddies of your own gender who enjoy doing things that you enjoy doing.

Focus on where you need to grow and set some goals to make that happen

I love what I call a “visualization” board. Take magazines, newspapers, etc. and cut out pictures of those settings that you would like to have in your life. Paste these pictures onto a large white cardboard and hang it in your bedroom or a place where you will see it frequently. Visualize and pray with God about your future and purpose to do whatever it takes to get you there.

Finally allow me to share this thought with you. It occurs to me that sexual activity outside of marriage is totally a selfish act for all Christian singles engaged in Christian dating. While two persons may be involved in the act, each one is separately satisfying their own needs. The sexual act in marriage is about bonding and satisfying one another. The emphasis is (or should be) totally the opposite.

It is my prayer that Christian singles engaged in Christian dating will take these thoughts and wrestle with them as God guides you to a deep understanding and peace in this area of your life.