CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

This statement or one similar to it is often received in an email to me concerning Christian dating. Sometimes the single Christian will describe how in a dream or vision God described their future mate to them. The other single Christian that they met fits this description perfectly. However, the other single Christian does not feel attracted to this single Christian or does not even know that they exist. The added confusion comes in the fact that this single Christian is so sure that this is "the one" that God destined for them and cannot understand why the other single Christian does not see this too.

The fact is that this person that came into their lives may, or may not be "the one" that God desires for their mate. Human relationships are very complex at the very least. There are many variables at play that could apply to this situation:

The person could be the one destined for them, but they may not be listening to God or being obedient. I suspect that too often they are too filled with their own agenda that they are missing out on some treasures that God has in store for them.

Each of us has our own will and God never forces His will on us. You can pray for this person but I would encourage you not to confront them. This approach is seldom the advisable one.

The fact is possible that the single Christian may not be receiving clear signals either. Often our “needs” outweigh our judgment and cloud the situation. I find that this often applies to those who do not date very much or do not have much experience in dating relationships. It is as if a single Christian walks around with their Hope Chest and desires to stuff the first person they see that “appears” to fit their criteria into the chest.

Our belief system that we create has a lot to say about how we can relate to this situation. If you are one who believes that God has selected only "the one" person to be your mate, you will have a difficult time releasing this situation. If you are one who believes that God can work through life’s events and can bring a relationship out of any number of other single Christians, then you will still have a challenging time with your feelings but can in time move on.

What does one do? Here are some thoughts for your consideration:

Check your “signals” with God. Share with Him that this other single Christian “appears” to fit the description of "the one" that God has in store for you and ask Him to confirm this.

I also suggest that this confirmation not be your feelings as you are already in that state of mind of attraction to the other single Christian.

Seek the advice of a mature Christian, pastor, or counselor. Share what is taking place and ask for their input. If it is from God, you can hear yourself articulate it to another person. If you find yourself stumbling in an attempt to describe what is happening, perhaps it is a figment of your imagination. God is one of order and does not call us to ambiguity.

Ask God to open your eyes to anything you are not seeing or understanding about the other single Christian.

Get to know the other single Christian on a “friendship” basis, if that is possible. Enjoy getting to know them and allow them to get to know you. Do not “push” the relationship but see what natural course it takes. If you are a woman, be sure to read my article on how a single Christian woman can let a single Christian man know she is interested in him.

Release the situation to God. If this other single Christian is the mate for you then God is more than capable to bring the other single Christian to this understanding. Step back from the situation and consider that unless this other single Christian comes to the point of desiring you, do you really want them to be your mate?

There is much involved in this process that relates to how we see God and how we believe that He works in our lives. We can know that He is sovereign, He does want the best for us, He will not overpower anyone’s will, and He can always make the best of your life no matter the circumstances are with this other single Christian.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating Advice: Christian Singles, here are some Thoughts for a First Date. And: Christian Dating: What does the Bible teach Christian singles about inter-racial dating? And: Christian Singles: Hurting people hurt others! And: Christian Dating Advice: how to start Dating again? And: Advice for Christian Singles: Should a single Christian woman let a single Christian man know she is interested? And: Christian Singles: "Is it love?" And: Dear Pastor Jim: "Do you expect all Christian singles who want to be married to be happy being single?" And: Christian Dating: "Dear Christian Singles, what Criteria Do You Use for Dating other Christians?" And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results? And: Is Christianity An Excuse for Christian Singles to Be Passive? And: Finding the Will of God and Making godly Decisions And: Christian dating: "What are the “NORMAL” stages in dating for Christian singles?" And: "What about Christian Dating and Signals?" And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results? And: In Christian Dating is Chemistry important or not? And: Christian Dating: What do you think about dating multiple people? And: Christian Dating: Do you believe in “soul mates”?

In His love,
Pastor Jim

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Note: The answers provided in this site are intended to be as one provided by a minister. It is NOT intended to take the place of a licensed counselor. Dr. Rives encourages all who are seeking to resolve deeply rooted psychological, emotional or behavioral needs to seek the services of a trained and licensed counselor. The answers provided in this web site are intended to be words of encouragement and spiritual guidance as one would obtain from a licensed minister as well as the sharing of Dr Rives personal experience. Articles by Dr. Jim Rives used with permission, copyright © 2001-2008 JacobsMinistry.org Inc. (Arizona Non-Profit Corporation) All rights reserved.

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