CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES
Today I received an email asking whether or not kissing and cuddling are considered a sin by Christian singles engaged in Christian dating. There is nothing sinful about the activity of kissing or cuddling in Christian dating, depending upon the definition Christian singles give to these words. When is it okay and when is it something that becomes unhealthy?
The first place to begin in considering this type of interaction is with the Christian couple involved in Christian dating. Each of these single Christians needs to define what kissing and cuddling means to them. A kiss may be seen as a caring gesture and not have a sexual connotation to one single Christian, while the other single Christian may be stimulated into sexual thoughts and response just by thinking about it. The topic is one that needs to be openly discussed and a definition that works for each single Christian in the Christian dating relationship needs to be mutually acceptable.
I am reminded of my definition for sex: any activity that has as its intent or develops into a sexual stimulation is sex. It does not require physical contact or even presence. Men appear to be more easily stimulated than most women. However, it appears that in today’s society that distinction is changing even among single Christian women engaged in Christian dating.
If a kiss leads either party toward stimulation of a sexual nature, I would urge Christian singles to back away from that activity as singles who want to remain pure before marriage. I did not say kissing is not fun. The world says that if it feels good, do it! There are many books and movies written about people who made a choice to follow pleasure in lieu of wisdom. I invite you to read the story of David, Samson, and even Solomon in the Bible and see what price they paid for pursuit of pleasure. A pure Christian dating relationship that is not clouded by premature sexual activity honors God can therefore be more freely blessed and guided by God.
As for cuddling in Christian dating relationship, this can be harmless but the physical contact involved presents vulnerability and it is so easy for Christian singles to take the next step. A hand brushed across an area easily stimulated can quickly result in a bursting passion that commands to be fed. If you think this is an exaggeration, consider the fact that 1 in every 5 adults and teenagers in the US have a sexual disease. This fact is supported on the Center for Disease Control web site. Someone has not used good sense to allow it to grow to this proportion. Christians and non-Christians alike are in this group. I am not about laying a guilt trip on Christian singles, but I am in to openly sharing the truth to save unnecessary heartache and bodily harm in Christian dating relationships.
Am I recommending that Christian singles do not touch each other in Christian dating relationships? No, I am not promoting this, but I do wish that more Christian singles would think about the power lying dormant when one practices kissing and cuddling without thought. There is much to be said for Christian singles just holding hands and allowing other forms of physical interaction to wait.
I can speak from personal experience in the “pleasure” of waiting. My wife, Pam, and I decided to not kiss the first few months of our dating. I think that it served as an awesome part of our early bonding. We focused on the total person rather than a part of the anatomy or personal satisfaction. It was not easy but let me tell you that first kiss… was out of this world.
My encouragement for Christian singles is to not be focused on kissing and cuddling in Christian dating, but to be open and aware of the total person you are experiencing. Building relationships is not a hit and run proposition. Go for the slow, steady, deep pace and the pleasure and enjoyment will be so much more.
Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Dating Advice: Christian Singles, here are some Thoughts for a First Date. And: Christian Dating: What does the Bible teach Christian singles about inter-racial dating? And: Christian Singles: Hurting people hurt others! And: Christian Dating Advice: how to start Dating again? And: Advice for Christian Singles: Should a single Christian woman let a single Christian man know she is interested? And: Christian Singles: "Is it love?" And: Dear Pastor Jim: "Do you expect all Christian singles who want to be married to be happy being single?" And: Christian Dating: "Dear Christian Singles, what Criteria Do You Use for Dating other Christians?" And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results? And: Is Christianity An Excuse for Christian Singles to Be Passive? And: Finding the Will of God and Making godly Decisions
In His love,
Back to Table of Contents: Christian Dating Articles
Note: The answers provided in this site are intended to be as one provided by a minister. It is NOT intended to take the place of a licensed counselor. Dr. Rives encourages all who are seeking to resolve deeply rooted psychological, emotional or behavioral needs to seek the services of a trained and licensed counselor. The answers provided in this web site are intended to be words of encouragement and spiritual guidance as one would obtain from a licensed minister as well as the sharing of Dr Rives personal experience. Articles by Dr. Jim Rives used with permission, copyright © 2001-2009 JacobsMinistry.org Inc. (Arizona Non-Profit Corporation) All rights reserved.