CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

One of the challenges in living is that we often do not give much thought to why we do something? The action is most commonly motivated by our feelings/emotions, reaction to an event, or a fantasy. From my observation point of relating to Christian singles, I believe that this is vividly true in dating via online Christian dating services.

What are your criteria when you sit down to enter an online Christian dating service? The results that Christian singles realize are in direct proportion to the criteria that guides their search. If it is physical you will not see anything else. If it is security you will only be able to see and hear in that frame of reference. If it is to fill a gap/void in your life, that too is misplaced criteria that can generate devastating results.

Only God knows, but I have a strong suspicion that a major contribution to so many Christian singles being single is that they have misplaced or inappropriate search criteria. Yes, there are other reasons to be sure but come live in reality world with me for a few minutes. Ponder how this may be affecting your life.

This is not gender-based behavior. It applies to both single Christian women as well as single Christian men.

Another major false premise for a search is unreal expectations. I recall being single in my 50’s and developing some unbelievable descriptions of the type of Christian woman I wanted in my life. My list of criteria was several pages long. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I made the mistake of staying in front of my mirror too long one day. Ouch! I support dreaming and a healthy fantasy, but getting way off the path does not serve one well in finding a happy and fulfilling life. Beloved Christian singles, please think of what you have and are for another person to embrace. None of us is perfect in looks or in behavior.

I am not proposing to drop all standards or desires but to spend a great deal of time considering the criteria you are using. I have a challenge for you. Invite some close friends of both genders, Christian singles and married Christians, to describe the type of person they think would make a great match for you. Your friends need to be mature and have a healthy perspective as well to be sure. Take in what they are sharing with you and measure this against the criteria that you are using.

There is another truth that screams to be shared. The criteria used by Christian singles during Christian dating seem less important after marriage. It is not that married folks need to quit looking good for each other, etc. It is the fact that the criteria used during Christian dating have little to do with real relationships. It is the character, the caring, and those intangibles that make it worth the journey and take on deeper meaning. It is how they support one another and are there when the times are rough that builds relationships.

I invite Christian singles to spend some time deeply pondering the criteria that you are use in Christian dating. It just may be keeping you from a rich experience that God wants to share with you.

Related Christian articles for singles: Christian Singles, are you feeling isolated? And: Christian Singles: Hurting people hurt others! And: Advice for Christian Singles: some Christian singles are asking "Please, God, Give me a break?" And: Advice for Christian Singles: Should a single Christian woman let a single Christian man know she is interested? And: Christian Singles: "Is it love?" And: Dear Pastor Jim: "Do you expect all Christian singles who want to be married to be happy being single?" And: Christian Singles, are you Getting the Same Results? And: Is Christianity An Excuse for Christian Singles to Be Passive? And: Finding the Will of God and Making godly Decisions

In His love,
Pastor Jim

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