CHRISTIAN DATING ARTICLES BY DR. JIM RIVES

Finding a good Christian dating relationship is a challenge. Often Christian dating on the Iternet is a valuable tool. Many Christian singles have been through some bumps and then finally found another single Christian that is responding favorably to them. It is fun and invigorating as you enjoy getting to know one another. You are looking forward to being with them again, dating, or at least talking to them on the phone.

The Christian dating relationship is going along great. Then it happens. Something in their actions makes you feel uncomfortable. Perhaps it is the direction that they are taking the conversation that surfaces alarms within you. Suddenly you are thrown into turmoil of what to do. If you protest they may respond unfavorably. Yet if you go along with what they are asking you to do you know that it is wrong or at least has the strong potential of taking you where you really do not want to go.

What happens next is a very common behavior with Christian singles engaged in Christian dating. Rather than protesting, you tell yourself that it is not any big deal and that you are overreacting. There is a force from deep within that is pushing you toward accepting whatever it is that they wish to do or say. You go along with the request or direction – even though you know that it is not a good choice. You have just entered into the abnormal zone in your Christian dating relationship and you know that your behavior is neither normal nor what you really desire to do.

Why do you do this? What is this force that seems to “override” good sense? I have found this force to be very common and powerful in Christian dating relationships. It is the fear of rejection. All of the hurts from past rejections surface and ignite the protective behavior to keep us from being hurt again. We do not want to return to what we perceive to be painful and will go to great lengths to keep from doing so. This includes doing and saying things that are not normal for us even in Christian dating.

If a past rejection is not properly processed to the point of being accepted and the sting taken out of that experience, it will continue to surface in our Christian dating relationships. The sad truth is that it will not only surface, but it is will continue to multiply out of proportion to reality. What was originally perhaps a small rejection is fed lies and it grows into a huge monster. The power of the negative force grows way out of proportion to the original pain. In fact, it can grow so large that we often do not even recall what it was that began this journey of pain.

I have a suggestion for your consideration. The next Christian dating relationship in which you find yourself at this gate of choice of whether to go along with something that is not really you, STOP. Take a deep breath and spend some time processing why you are having this challenge. God’s Spirit is within you if you are a child of His and these promptings are for your benefit. Move away from the situation until you can figure out what a healthy response is to the situation. Invite the input of mature Christian friends, your Pastor, or a Christian counselor. Use this as a breaking free time rather than one that may take you deep into bondage to a dating relationship that is not good for you.

If you have to change your fundamentals so that you may have a “chance” to have a dating relationship with someone else, you are entering an unhealthy area of Christian dating. While each of us can learn from others and always need to grow, the motivation to change to “please” someone else in a Christian dating relationship is not a personally growing experience. To take this path is like making you a pinball in the machine of life. You will be bounced in Christian dating from one person to another and repeat the cycles of pain.

Let me close with this thought: If you do not like who you are, set out to build each area of your life into healthy order. Grow to accept and like yourself before you engage in Christian dating. This involves having a good self-image. When Christian singles are at a place of contentment they will not be as likely to be drawn into the snares of others. You will be better able to ride out the storms of life rather than being drawn into them. God wants you to begin Christian dating with allowing His Spirit to feed your spirit so that the forces from within are coming from a healthy and wise position.

In His love,
Pastor Jim

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